"Preseason Hype" - NFL's Way Too Early Leaders

Welcome to the "Preseason Hype" segment, where we throw caution to the wind and predict the NFL's top yardage beasts for the upcoming season. If you’re easily offended, get the fuck out now. Buckle up, buttercup!

Receiving Yards Leader: Amon-Ra St. Brown (+1200) Let’s kick things off with the receiving yards leader. Tyreek Hill is the favorite at +600, but come on the Dolphins are a dumpster fire. Tua’s bound to get another concussion and end up drooling in a retirement home by midseason. CeeDee Lamb is second at +700 but with Dak Prescott throwing him the ball, I'm not convinced he'll have that kind of year. Dak looks like a confused gay teenager and I wouldn't count on it.

My money’s on Amon-Ra St. Brown. Yes Jared Goff is about as exciting as a bagging a fat girl at the club, but he has a hard on for throwing to Amon-Ra. If St. Brown stays healthy I see him racking up 1,500 yards. He’s a savage route runner who creates a shitload of separation. Plus the Lions might actually be good this year. Amon-Ra’s a psycho who wakes up every day reminding himself who was picked before him and he grinds like a man possessed. At +1200, he’s insane value.

Rushing Yards Leader: Najee Harris (+6000)

Now brace yourselves, because this one’s going to sound fucking nuts Najee Harris at +6000. Laugh all you want but throw $10 on it and thank me later. Everyone forgets that Najee’s rushed for over 1,000 yards each season of his career something no one else has done in the past three years. The Steelers’ O-line is bigger and badder this year setting the stage for Najee to bulldoze his way to the top.

So, mark my words Najee Harris will lead the NFL in rushing yards. When he does, I’ll be here to remind you all who called it first.

There you have it, my bold predictions for the season. Don’t say I didn’t fucking warn you when these come true!